i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
