So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
