What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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