he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
