Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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