my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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