I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
