Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
