how do flat chested girls get laid?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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