Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
