The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
