If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
