i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
