This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
