Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
