at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
