I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
