I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
