People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
