Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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