Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
