Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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