Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
