Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
