Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
