I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
