How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
that may or may not have been my penis.
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