So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
