Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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