either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
