Taylor Swift is so right about you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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