Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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