she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize