my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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