He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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