Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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