Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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