So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
