I puked a lego.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
