I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
