can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
