3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
