Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
