I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
