omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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