Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
vagina is talking i cant
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
