oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
