so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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