He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
