I think I am morally bankrupt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
