OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize