Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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