Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
