I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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