i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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