Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
