You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
