My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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