I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How external is "for external use only"?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
