Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
