i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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