listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
