I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
