Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
