How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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