White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
