Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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